The "I Deserve It" Mentality
Let's talk honestly for a moment.
There is something quietly growing in many friendships, relationships, and even everyday interactions today. It doesn't announce itself. It doesn't knock on the door. It slips in through repetition — and before you know it, gratitude has been replaced by expectation.
It is the sickness of entitlement.
That mindset where someone starts feeling automatically owed something simply because they want it, expect it, or are used to receiving it.
And the dangerous part? Most people don't even realise when they become entitled.
How it starts
It starts small. So small you don't notice.
Someone helps you a few times. Now you expect it every time. Someone gives you attention. Now you get upset when they become busy. Someone supports you financially. Now appreciation slowly disappears and expectation takes over. Someone is always available for you. Now you feel offended when they finally set a boundary.
It happens with parents too. The moment they cannot send money, frustration rises — and you forget to appreciate everything they have done thus far.
Slowly, gratitude turns into pressure. And pressure quietly destroys connection.
When friendships become transactions
You help someone once. Twice. Many times. You show up for them. You sacrifice your time, energy, money, or peace for them.
Then one day you are tired. Busy. Unable to help.
And suddenly they become cold, distant, or angry. Not because you wronged them — but because they became used to receiving from you.
Entitlement in friendship looks like love until the giving stops.
When relationships become obligations
One person keeps giving, sacrificing, understanding, and carrying the relationship. Then the moment they cannot provide something — attention, money, gifts, time, emotional energy — problems begin.
Some people even become angry over things they were never promised.
Because instead of appreciation, they start operating from expectation. And expectation is one of the heaviest things you can place on another human being.
The silent pressure on both sides
Let's be real. Both men and women feel this differently.
Some men quietly feel pressured to always provide, always solve problems, always give, always "have money" — even when they are struggling. And when they cannot meet expectations, they are made to feel "less useful" or "not serious enough."
Some women feel pressure to always be emotionally available, always understanding, always patient, always giving attention and care — even when they are mentally exhausted.
Many people are silently exhausted because relationships have started feeling like responsibilities instead of genuine connection.
The truth that protects you
Nobody owes you constant access to them.
Nobody owes you endless giving without appreciation.
Nobody owes you support without respect.
And you are not a bad person for setting boundaries when people become too entitled to your time, money, emotions, or energy.
Real relationships and friendships are built on appreciation, not entitlement.
Three questions to sit with
Don't rush past these. Answer them honestly.
1. Have you ever felt like someone became too entitled to your time, money, energy, or kindness?
What did that feel like? And what did it teach you about the kind of people you want close?
2. Why do you think people sometimes stop appreciating things once they become used to them?
Is it human nature, or is it a choice we stop making?
3. In your friendships and relationships today, do people appreciate each other enough — or do many simply expect too much?
And more importantly: which side are you on?
A final word
Sometimes people stop valuing you the moment they stop benefiting from you. That truth hurts. But it is more real than painful.
The antidote to entitlement is not less giving. It is more gratitude. It is remembering what you received before you demand what you believe you are owed.
Appreciation builds healthy relationships. Entitlement quietly destroys them.
Choose appreciation.
THE FORGE exists to raise a generation of principled, purpose-driven leaders across Africa — through mentorship, campus programs, and long-form writing that sharpens how students think and live.